I used the toddler step
to wash my hands, time to eat
Near the tippy top
You can reach it, don’t stop
The boards worn now
Red, blue, yellow bands
Scuffed by my feet
From all the trying
When I worked hard, you smiled
The curve of your lips, your shiny teeth
I would study all night for you
Burn the candle at both ends for you
Don't eat too much for you
Dim my light for you
I don't do what fills me
Only what drives me
I pick up the step stool now
My fingers covered in webs and dust
Never wondering if I must, if I should have, if I will
Seeing your smile when I did what you wanted
and then how it felt when my try wasn’t good enough
When my Bs weren’t As
When you flirted with girls my age
When you never ever let me take the stage
When I would no longer stay
When I felt small and wouldn’t play
Push me off the sidewalk
Tickle me until I cry.
You always had your way
I forgot what fills me
Can't do what drives me
I lift a hammer from my belt
firm in my grip, a claw at the tip
The toddler stool now on the ground
I slam the hammer down
rip the boards apart
curve up my lips
laugh, scream, spin around
With metal in my hands
that can break it all down
near the tippy top
reaching for me
You can’t touch me
any more
I remember what fills me
Not only what drives me
I curve my lips, laugh and scream.
Smash the hammer down again
This time, it's me that wins.
I am starving,
and could eat the memories whole.
You have no idea what’s in store
You are not important any more
I untie my shoes, toss them
Throw them hurl and fling them
My sweat sparkles like a gem
I am rich now, know full well what to do now
I stare at the hammer
High above my head
My grip pinching hard
Swollen hands, sweat drips
But I am full, I am fed
The puffy clouds blot my tears
Bird song rings my ears
I slam the metal down
watch the boards break
Splinters long and short,
imagine what I can make
I am done with what drives me
I will do what fills me
My arms full of hammer and wood
Sweat and relief
I walk through the door,
No one my thief
No longer in disbelief
Feeling good, in brief
I lay my toddler stool near
Rest in peace, it’s me here now
The stair you build in shatters
Its glue, buttons, spools on the table now
And I am most certainly able
To claim myself,
To reach and build
To hold and fill
To turn into
something new
A bird, a flower,
maybe
a few
These words and images are the property of the poet, Sharon Frances.
Do not use in part or whole without permission.
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